*pokes head in*

While, I realize it's been almost two and a half years since I updated this journal - where does the time go?! - and I haven't really been reading livejournal anymore, but I thought I would come back for a look. It's been a strange and crazy last couple of years, as I've been in grad school, living in other countries, attempting to quote-unquote "find myself" and that twenty-something jazz.

In other news, I just saw Black Swan the other, very belatedly, and to my own surprise have been scribbling a little fic....so perhaps the fandom muse is perching on my shoulder again? One never knows!

Anyone familiar still out there and reading this? What's new with you? Drop me a line, I'd love to hear!

Mwah,
the Scribbling Elf Herself

John Updike (1932 - 2009)

This part especially resonated with me:

Raised in the Protestant community of Shillington, Pa., where the Lord's Prayer was recited daily at school, Updike was a lifelong churchgoer influenced by his faith, but not immune to doubts.

"I remember the times when I was wrestling with these issues that I would feel crushed. I was crushed by the purely materialistic, atheistic account of the universe," Updike told The Associated Press during a 2006 interview.

"I am very prone to accept all that the scientists tell us, the truth of it, the authority of the efforts of all the men and woman spent trying to understand more about atoms and molecules. But I can't quite make the leap of unfaith, as it were, and say, `This is it. Carpe diem (seize the day), and tough luck.'"

Since I can't concentrate on theory and Sanskrit worth crud...

If you voted (honor system here), drop me a fandom/character prompt relating in some way to politics/voting/elections in general and I'll write you a little ficlet! This is the time to talk about politics at the dinner table, folks. :D

I VOTED.

No waiting in line for me - I voted by absentee ballot last week. My home county in Washington has gone totally mail-in, since with so many rural folks and small towns they said it was more efficient for everyone. I miss the opportunity of going to vote, though. As a kid, I loved getting to go with my parents to the old former Catholic school (I had something of a Catholic fascination then too, so I secretly goggled at the crucifix and the Pieta and Virgin Mary in her blue robes). Sometimes we went as a while family, at other times the volunteers would check their list and tell my mother, "Oh, your husband was in here a few hours ago on his lunch break!" They would give us kids pretend ballots that we could punch ourselves, and then get "I voted" stickers. I'm kind of sad I don't have one of those tickets today...

I always thought of voting as one key component of being an adult. That's what grown-ups did--they voted because it was their responsibility. The second most important voting lesson my parents imprinted: Always vote for a school levy! Because, as they joked, except for a few potential exceptions, what kind of miser is going to withhold money from public schools?

Oh boy, have I got election fever--and I'm far from being a politics buff! I'm also a cranky cynic, but I admit it, this youtube video almost got me a bit sniffly!



ETA: It's 5 pm here, dark and stormy - and I can still feel more excitement and people out on the streets in this election than any other in my (young) lifetime.

Amy Winehouse's "Rehab" in Yiddish:
I thought this was a riot: Sie schicken mir zu rehab, ich zog nisht nisht nisht... (yes, I'm using German spelling, forgive me). :p



Bid to create world's largest sandwich in Iran fails after crowd eats it before it can be measured
This is kind of sad...but what can I say, I have a rather black sense of humour anyway.

I want to be an old lady like that--though probably not a nun, being Jewish and all that. :p

Random shuffle results:

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? Struggle - Clannad
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY? The Music of the Night - Phantom of the Opera
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? If You were mine - Cyndi Thomson
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Fradde's Song - Klezmatics
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? - Regina Caeli - Soir, dit-elle
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? To a Beloved - Shweta Javeri
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Darshan - B21 (I'm such a good and worshipful daughter...)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Buddha - Sertab (my friends think I am enlightened and non-materialistic?) :p
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT FREQUENTLY? Independence Day - Melanie C
WHAT IS 2 + 2? Angel - Sarah McLachlan
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Eagleboy - Steven Warbeck
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LOVE? Shuvi el Beyti (Come back to my house) by Idan Raichel Project (oh so true...)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? Wait for the Lord - Taize (Yes.)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Don't Make Me Come to Vegas - Tori Amos (HA!)
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LOVE? Der Rebbe - Andy Statman. (Well, my rabbi is a cutie..though also married. Shucks.)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Piper's Lullaby - Mason Darling
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? Tu Aisi Dhun Mein Ga - Kisna soundtrack. (Hindu wedding in my future?)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? A Sunday Kind of Love - Etta James
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? King and Queen of America - Eurythmics
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET? Mantra- Vijay Prakash
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? - Bekle - Tarkan (Don't know what this means... Anyone understand Turkish?)

Yes, there is a fic behind this, where I want to pin down the location of Durmstrang somewhat more precisely. Is it in Scandinavia? Russia/Siberia? Preferably for story purposes it should be somewhere where one could take a train to the vicinities, at least...

Poll #1278090
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 15

Where is Durmstrang located?

nabbed from minisinoo



Well, my daddy always was a union man.

So it looks like I won't be getting Breaking Dawn until this weekend at the very earliest, possibly later. At this rate, I don't really care - I wasn't particularly enthused before I knew much of anything about the book, and now that I have caved and read some spoilerific reviews, my interest has plummeted even further. As I remarked in minisinoo's journal, anyway, perhaps you can't spoil something that's already rotten anyway! ;) Based on what I've read, I almost feel embarrassed for SMeyer, but I will reserve any true judgment until I have the book in hand.

The funny thing is that I am actually going to be sharing my mother's copy of the book, as she informed me that she had pre-ordered it from Amazon. I had suggested that she might like it as some guilty pleasure reading, and she picked up the first two books of the series that I owned. I then got a call from her confessing that she stayed up until 3 in the morning several nights in a row reading Twilight and New Moon! She hasn't read Eclipse yet, but yes, my dear mom likes Edward/Bella and doesn't have too much of a problem with Bella. I feel like the bitter, unromantic cynic of the family now!

If BD is as bad as rumoured, I may regret having ever introduced her to the series in the first place....

My attempt at writing a Twilight 'novel' accidentally turned into the Twilight/Quileute research + misc. notes scribbling project. At this point, I'm not sure what to do since there's no way I'm getting any stories written and posted before Breaking Dawn! We'll see if I push ahead with my AU, or just decide to be satisfied with my motley configuration of historical and social facts and vague Jacob/Bella shippiness.

How's this for odd historical coincidences though? In the 1880s there was a clash between the Quileute and a trader whose last name was...Pullen. One letter difference, but still, a bit odd! Obviously this is before our Cullen family timeline, I would love to figure out how to incorporate this into a story, but I haven't figured out it.

An excerpt from the Washington State historical archives which tells of the events leading to a fire which destroyed most of La Push:

Relations between the Quileute and the whites began well, by the early 1880s the Quileute were increasingly in conflict with a settlers who sought to dispossess the Indians of their land and homes in La Push, the Quileute village at the mouth of the Quillayute River. The most notable of these clashes involved Dan Pullen, a white trader. In 1882, a Quileute medicine man named Doctor Obi clashed with Pullen. According to the version of the story recorded by Willoughby, Obi and Pullen fought over a fence that Pullen had put up. Obi apparently tore the fence down and, when Pullen confronted him, the Indian began hitting Pullen with a club and threatened to kill him until Clakishka, a Quileute leader, separated the two men.

But, more than 60 years later, Obi's daughter recalled a different sequence of events, one that may seem more credible given Pullen's subsequent activities in La Push. Julia Obi Bennett Lee told anthropologist George A. Pettitt that Pullen had provoked the fight by trying to force Obi off Obi's land so Pullen could homestead it-something she said that Pullen had already done with other Indians at La Push. When Obi refused, Pullen grabbed Obi and the two began to struggle. As Obi's family members worked to separate the two, Obi picked up the club and began hitting Pullen. Obi was then arrested by his son, an Indian policeman in La Push, and spent most of the next year in jail, probably at Neah Bay.

There is little doubt that Pullen was trying to gain control of La Push. In 1885, Indian Agent Oliver Wood reported that Pullen was creating "a great deal of dissatisfaction" among the Quileute by trying to force them off the land so he could establish a clear claim to it:
The Indians make frequent complaints of the acts of Pullen, but as they are off the reserve I am powerless to give them such protection as they should have. They have occupied this land from before the knowledge of the oldest Indian on the coast or any of their traditions. They have built some very comfortable frame houses and have several very large buildings built in Indian style from lumber manufactured by themselves, and they feel it would be a great hardship to be driven off and lose all their buildings and improvements, and all fair-minded will agree with them. (See Neah Bay Agency Report, 1885.)

So deaths in the family, overload schedules, extended annoying viruses, and summer language intensives do not for healthy and consistent updating make. But I'm still here really, though popping in to read more than writing.

I am doing Intensive Hindi - I had one term before, so I am finishing up the language series. This means class everyday from 8:30 - 1 pm plus several hours of homework my own habit of surrounding myself by Bollywood movies and Hindi music for "practice." ;) On top of that I'm taking on a more aggressive exercise program and trying to give up on sweets as much as I can...call it the summer of self-discipline.

I haven't been as successful in the writing arena. I began working on a novel-length Twilight Jacob/Bella fic several months ago, only to get very bogged down and unsure where my plot was heading. Then I decided that I wanted to do some more research, especially on Quileute culture, to better incorporate it into the plot. I really have no excuse, as a) I live in Washington, and b) I am at the University of Washington, and thus have some of the best access to archives, research materials, and special Northwest collection materials. I haven't really delved into the research yet, as I've been trying to figure out what is there, accessible, and of interest to me. Between microfiche and various articles, it seems I am able to access photos from the late 1800's and early 1900's, copies of all treaties between the Washington territories, video and audio recordings of interviews with Quileute elders, traditional stories, anthropological and missionary accounts, a Quileute dictionary, bilingual Quileute-English folklore... It's hard to know where to begin! At this point, my storytelling has taken a back seat, so I'm not sure what will actually come of the story with, you know, plot, characters, that kind of thing.

With a lot of these materials, I don't have any particularly good way to share, but if anyone would like some articles, photos, or other questions, I could possibly look into it for you!

Tags: real life, twilight

Finals and funerals and family gatherings - they leave a girl emotionally weary and chronologically discombobulated. I feel behind and out of the loop.

I've been cleaning and exercising in the great outdoors to avoid working on final papers and reading...it seems easier to be productive in every other area than the intellectual right now! So much for the epic Jacob/Bella fic that is lingering in MS Word, making puppy dog eyes at me while it tries to conceal its patchy plot from me. ;)

Gacked from minisinoo



Yep yep. Seattle native and lifelong Washingtonian here.

My fic for the lgbtfest, and the first BtVS story I've written - I've been reading in that fandom for awhile, but had trepidations about actually casting my hat into that ring. This is a story which has been growing on me for awhile, so I'm pleased to finally have it out there in the world. Feedback is always appreciated, of course. :)

Title: Always Going Home
Author: Pandaimonia/scribbling_elf
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Pairing/characters: Faith (POV), Willow, one-sided Buffy/Faith
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: Not mine, even the teensiest bit.
Prompt: Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Willow Rosenberg and Faith Lehane. Willow and Faith discuss what it means to love a woman, set sometime during or after season 7.
Summary: Post-S7, the Scoobies, et al, are on the move. Willow finally gets a chance to have a talk with Faith about sexuality and ask some questions which have been on her mind...
Warnings: Some sex-related language and talk, brief allusions to sexual abuse and childhood sexuality
Author's Notes: Thanks to invisionary for beta'ing!

(Always Going Home)

Is there anyone out there willing to do a last minute Buffy beta today? Story is a mix of femslash/gen.

Lj question of the day: if I edit the old text in my sidebar, will it muck up the rest of my layout and text? I did it back when I had a paid account, but it's expired since, and I don't want to lose the rest of my edits.

I forgot to post for "poetry Friday" so it's going to be Poetry Monday here. We could all use an injection of some verse today, right?

"What Do Women Want?"
by Kim Addonizio

I want a red dress.
I want it flimsy and cheap,
I want it too tight, I want to wear it
until someone tears it off me.
I want it sleeveless and backless,
this dress, so no one has to guess
what's underneath. I want to walk down
the street past Thrifty's and the hardware store
with all those keys glittering in the window,
past Mr. and Mrs. Wong selling day-old
donuts in their café, past the Guerra brothers
slinging pigs from the truck and onto the dolly,
hoisting the slick snouts over their shoulders.
I want to walk like I'm the only
woman on earth and I can have my pick.
I want that red dress bad.
I want it to confirm
your worst fears about me,
to show you how little I care about you
or anything except what
I want. When I find it, I'll pull that garment
from its hanger like I'm choosing a body
to carry me into this world, through
the birth-cries and the love-cries too,
and I'll wear it like bones, like skin,
it'll be the goddamned
dress they bury me in.

Tags: poetry

"I think it is much more useful to run into someone who may reject you, but then explain why and perhaps help you to "get it" so you don't get rejected in the future."

I mentioned this particular comment from the "Boobgate post," and I'm going to use it as a jumping-off point to explore a few thoughts I've been having. I'm not so concerned with this particular individual's views and their context, but the ways they are representative of a larger situation. In essence, this is putting the burden and responsibility on women instead of men, and this is an old, old problem, as are the ways in which women are often sexualized and treated, as I said in my previous post, as public property (and I first accidentally typed 'pubic property' which is an exciting and applicable Freudian slip).

When it comes to approaching or propositioning a woman, yes, there are situations where the person is truly well-intentioned and innocently ignorant, and it is the kind and perhaps even appropriate thing to do to explain. BUT to expect or demand this, with the implication that if a woman doesn't do this she's a "bitch" or unreasonable--this is good old privilege talking, folks. This is in the same vein as white privilege, which includes expecting POC to always "explain" the situation and background while maintaining a polite tone that is impersonal and inoffensive. It's about taking responsibility off oneself: the responsibility to inform oneself and actively learn about "the other," the responsibility to police one's own behavior, the responsibility to take criticism and learn from it rather than always shifting the blame. Ignorance cannot always be an excuse, especially if one continues to use said excuse in recurring situations.

This again comes back to the charming old misogynistic world view, which persists insidiously all over the bloody place: Women are basically here to nurture men, to serve them, to inspire them, to make them feel better about themselves, to be attractive and provide nice scenery, to above all sooth, protect, and inflate the male ego as needed. Thus, women are obligated to be attractive--see tones of male outrage at "ugly" or "fat" women and indignance at their very existence, as if such women have somehow broken some unstated contract. See also the attitude that women should always let men down gently, if necessary, and be nice, polite, and as inoffensive as possible. Though I am certainly a proponent of general politeness and kindness in human interactions, women are not obligated to always be "nice" and considerate of male feelings. Sometimes, this is inappropriate, or unfair, or even dangerous - and if a woman does not respond to a come-on by giving you tips for better success next time, this does not make her a bitch. Women have the right to say no, period, without explanation or excuse.

This, among other reasons, is why I am feminist and proud to ID as one.

Let us juxtapose several links that are recurring, on my fList:

The Open-Source Boob Project
Quote of interest from comments "I think it is much more useful to run into someone who may reject you, but then explain why and perhaps help you to "get it" so you don't get rejected in the future."

Quote 'Emma Watson Shows Off Her Junk When Leaving 18th Birthday Party' unquote. Tune in particularly for the 'enlightening' discussions re:pubic hair and its offensive nature.

Children's book takes on mom's plastic surgery "My Beautiful Mommy" deals with parents' procedures and their kids' fears

I'm in a pissy feminist mood, and I don't feel like writing a long explanation of feelings, arguments, rationalizations. The bottom line: women's bodies are not public property. And while what we do with them is our choice, considering that less-than-natural standards keep being pushed as normative, our choices may appear much more limited than they actually are.

In which I try to resurrect my Poetry Friday habits...

From Love Letters by Nizar Qabbani

The day I met you I tore up
all my maps
and my prophecies
like an Arab stallion I smelled the rain
of you
before it wet me
heard the pulse of your voice
before you spoke
undid your hair with my hands
before you had braided it


( There )

Tags: poetry

The Pesach steam train is rolling toward us...only a few days left! And of course, it's right after shabbat, which is about as hard core as it gets. And I did not do the grocery shopping that I really needed to this weekend. Yikes.

Meme from twilightfiver

1) If the Cullens suddenly got a computer, what do you think they all would do on it?
read fanfic about themselves
write fanfic

2) Which character(s) would you go gay for?
Um...the only characters I really find attractive in the series are the menz. There are plenty of them, but female, not so much. Rosalie's perfect blond beauty is not my style, and I just don't see the rest of them "that way."

3) Name a crackship from Twilight that you enjoy. Why do you enjoy them?
Jasper/Bella - because I think Jasper is interesting, and that having him in a human/vamp romance would have a heckuva lot more tension!

4) Breaking Dawn is the last book in the series. What would you do after the series ends?

...read fanfic and be in denial. Which I already am.

5) Alice, Esme or Rosalie?

Esme. And I'd rather vamp out for Carlisle than for Eddie. Sorry, RPatz.

Cracky goodness!

( My answer )

Best "Overheard at the gym" for a long while:

"Everyone makes bad decisions based on morals, and then they all lose and suffer a lot. It's very Russian."

I should be studying for finals, so...

Try me. *g* Characters are from HP, Twilight, X-Men, and Buffy.

1) Make a list of 15 characters and assign each character a number.

2) Without telling anyone who's on the list or the character's assigned number, get questions from your flist about what they'd like to know about them, i.e. "If 3 and 4 were trapped in a cave together with only a blanket and a toothpick, what would they do?"

3) Post the list of characters and answers to the questions.

I have finally finished Eclipse this last week. I was sick of waiting for it to get out of the universities special collections processing, so I interlibrary loaned. Excellent choice. :D (What is this "special collections processing" anyway--is this a euphemism for a bunch of librarians passing the book around and drooling over Edward and Jacob and other young studmuffins?)

So it's official, Twilight fandom has eaten my brain. I'm wandering around in a haze thinking about Edward and Jacob and Bella and fielding fic ideas and finding good fic to read, and sorting through my measly icon supply to decide which ones I can part with to have Twilight icons. It's been a while since I was so obsessed with something, and why it happened over a middling quality teenage vampire romance whose main characters I don't even particularly like...it's a mystery. Admittedly, I first read the book because I was intrigued by the fandom (and oh, what a fandom it is...that's a whole 'nother story), so I'm finally getting to my intended goal. *grins*

These are not books I feel that I can produce a coherent review on. Eventually I want to go back and re-read the whole series at a more leisurely pace, because on my first read-through I pretty much tore through them to find out What's Going to Happen Next. I think Stephanie Meyer's ability to plot and sustain a novel has definitely improved over the series. Eclipse actually qualified as a page-turner with some happenin' plot and conflict. Twilight, for me, was a slog to get through and I only made myself finish it because I wanted to read the rest of the series. New Moon was an improvement, though maybe it was just because I loved Jacob. *g* Eclipse was more of an "I want to skip my classes today and stay up reading it until 4 am!" experience.

Admittedly the question of Jacob was foremost in my mind when I started Eclipse. Considering some of the reactions I'd gathered in fandom of the "OMG Jake is a rapist & u'll h8 him after this book!!!" I was wary, if somewhat skeptical. The verdict: Jacob definitely has his extended annoying adolescent moments, but I still love him. Possibly more than ever, because while Jake in New Moon was wonderful in his sweet and sunny way, I love me some broodiness, conflict, and oh, dimension to my characters. My judgment may be clouded by my wolfy predilections, but I do feel that Stephanie Meyer (SM?) was trying too hard to level the playing field between Jacob and Edward, and had to make Jake a little less likable. Hence, the forceful and oblivious kissing, which was obviously Not A Good Thing. But rape? Oh fangirls, have you looked at Edward recently? "Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?

Whatever Stephanie Meyer's faults, she can create some characters that really get into my mind and under my skin, both for good and bad. For me, it's not so much Edward and Bella who do that, but the rest of the cast continues to intrigue me. And she certainly has a talent for making me lust unabashedly over a fictional adolescent werewolf. She may not give Jacob the ending he wants in this book, but the way she writes him produces some very successful and powerful mental images. *fans self, whilst feeling a little like a pervy cradle-robber*

I don't know if I'm really looking forward to Breaking Dawn. I want to find out what happens, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to like it, even if it makes sense with the logic of the story...which is not my logic or my preferences. But that's what fanfic is for, and along that note, I've actually been writing quite a lot. I have far too many ideas clamoring for my attention at this point, even if most of them haven't fully developed yet. I have a number of fics and ficlets in various stages of disarray, but what is really eating my brain is a possibly novel length Jacob/Bella(/Edward) AU, picking up from approximately the last third of Eclipse. So far, it's mainly self-indulgence, and I'm completely aware of that. I'm doing my best to maintain ICness and a logical plot, but at a certain level I'm writing it purely for my own pleasure (though I imagine it might push some other fans happy buttons as well). It's definitely not ready to see the light of day yet, but in the future I may be looking for a Twilight beta who's willing to talk ideas and plot and other fairly abstract concepts with me. :D

Tags: twilight

Yes, I said it. Twilight's got its own "skanky race issues," and I haven't seen much said about them--not when we have important things like Jacob/Bella vs. Edward/Bella to discuss. ;-) This is the first of several observations/posts I'm intending to make:

Observation the First: As described in the book, Jacob is obviously native. He, along with the other Quileutes, appears to be a fullblood or close. He looks native--Stephenie Meyer makes a point out of mentioning his "russet skin" umpteen times, after all.

So why does almost every Jacob icon, manip look like Whitey McPants? Why are all the "dream actors" at best slightly dark and racially ambigiuod looking? Now, they may not be as famous, but there are nice-looking, age-appropriate, native actors to draw on. I've done my part in spreading that gospel *winkEddieSpearswink*, but it's just not that common. How did everyone, including Our Dear Author, latch onto Steven Strait? While he's certainly a nice-looking individual, I don't see a strong resemblance to book!Jacob, afaic. And don't get me started on the kid they've allegedly cast as Jacob for the film...*grr* So much for the talk about looking for native actors. At least he isn't Italian, I think...

These things matter. Visibility matters. Jacob isn't Euro-American, just like Ged in Wizard of Earthsea isn't white, despite the pitiful casting for that miniseries. Wake up and smell the frybread: his name isn't Jacob White, folks.

Tags: race, twilight

It's 3 am and I'm still up (there was a strange nap from around 9-11 pm. Oops). Many things seem insanely funny. Such as this. and particularlly this little gem. Unfortunately, I'm still rather ill, so I'm laughing hysterically and coughing. Should probably make some more tea.

*cough* *sniffle* *wheeze*

How long is it possible to keep feeling like I'm beginning to come down with something? I've had this feeling off and on for the last week or two. I'll have a little bit of a sore throat, but only in the mornings. I'll feel like the real icky is starting to come on, then I'll feel better until a few days later I start to feel the same thing and lose my voice again. Not that I want to get really sick, but I'd like to move on now, thanks!